Thursday, 30 October 2014

IF CHAS WINS, FLAMBEAU LOSES: A Victory For Allen Is A Victory For Kenny


 
The Real Rundown on Sunday’s
Flambeau Smackdown

 


First things first: Due to the fact that this article to is going to poop all over the United Workers Party for over a thousand words, let us be fair and balanced and take a little poop on Labour first.

The St Lucia Labour Party has never had a truly democratic contest for leadership. So they need to shut the hell up while Flambeau is doing their halay kasay or civil war or gang fight. When it comes to internal democracy for the position of leader in the party, the score is 2-0 in favor of Flambeau. Flambeau is a winner!

And until Kenny Anthony gets out of the way, there will be no democracy in Labour. It will continue to be like Cuba, except without the benefits. As a matter of fact, if Labour was a country, it would be fascist, despotic, totalitarian tyranny. Or whatever it is they call that thing Beijing is doing nowadays. (Cos, you know, that ain’t communism.)
 

Having said that:
FLAMBEAU IS A GODFORSAKEN MESS

Flambeau is a mess without John Compton. It’s as though no one in the party ever read history or watched war movies or played video games. It’s not like you have to know Sun Tzu, Macchiavelli and Clausewitz to keep a small island party together. You could do that a Google search engine and a facebook account. Jah man, if Borgia had Google, he would have been leader of Flambeau ten times over by now.

Flambeau is a mess. But it serves Flambeau right for violating their own constitution. If they had made Lenard Spider Montoute Prime Minister, back in 2007, as their constitution required, none of this Guy Joseph, Richard Frederick Rufus Bousquet nonsense would have gone so far. The party would not have travelled so far down the road to hell and Spider would surely have been a better strategist than any of the pinheads who ran the last campaign. The fact that he lost his own seat in 2011 was more a testament to the fact that he gave up on politics while sitting as a minister than to his political astuteness. Notwithstanding the fact that he turn into a phallo-centric jerk, Spider Montoute has been the brightest politician in that party from the moment he arrived. That remains true to this day, even when he’s being a jerk.
 

But Flambeau got what Flambeau bought. And so, you get what we have here: A party fractured in at least three pieces with so little hope of winning the next election that the incumbent government is practically getting blowjobs and snorting cocaine at the steering wheel of the nation.
And so…
Allen Chastanet can’t just beat Claudius Preville on Sunday. He has to beat him worse than he beat Stephenson King last year. If he wins a marginal victory, it will be the same as losing. It will divide the party further and kill all hope of winning the next election.
Basically, if Allen Chastanet wins anything but the most resounding victory on Sunday, we’re getting five more years of Kenny Anthony. And Flambeau is going to go down like EC Express, except with more flames and explosions and special effects stuff.

He did it to himself. He did.
 
TI CHAS: EVEN WHEN HE WINS, HE LOSES
 
Kenny has a rare moment of sympathy for his enemy...
Makes me feel like Bob Marley to bring these two closer together...
 
 
Allen Chastanet was touted as the savior of Flambeau when he rescued the party from Stephenson King’s spineless and Richard Frederick’s machinations last year. Flambeau needed that. The problem with the saviour is that he, himself, was both a symptom and a cause of the problem we had with King. Throw in his foot-in-mouth disease, his monthly phone bill and his general cluelessness about the nature of reality and what you have is an unmitigated disaster. Allen Chastanet has only one hope of leading Flambeau to victory and that is if Kenny Anthony screws up so bad that he eclipses the things Allen did while he was minister of tourism less than three years ago. Even if that happens, Chastanet will still lead his party down the road to certain ruin, because historically, that’s what he does. But don’t fret about that scenario. It most probably won’t happen.

The FLOGG predicted, last year, that Chastanet wasn’t even going to make it to the next election. In a few days, the United Workers Party might save themselves a world of trouble by putting Allen out of their misery.

If Allen had proven me wrong by consolidating his party, winning a seat and successfully prosecuting the case against a Labour Party that failed to deliver on its promises, Preville would be kissing his butt right now instead of challenging him for the leadership.

Instead, Allen did what Allen does best. He failed. With a winning smile on his face.

As things currently stand, Allen Chastanet will not win an overwhelming victory against Preville. Even though Preville ain’t no Clausewitz, the delegates smelt the weakness on Allen before anyone even challenged him. Almost half of them are already in Preville’s corner. If you read that a different way, it means they’re done with Allen. They’ll take anything.

But as said before, if Chastanet cannot beat Preville worse than he beat King, Flambeau can kiss the next election goodbye. Anything less than awesome victory for him is a death knell.

Freudian slip...
Happens a lot when you have foot in mouth...

 

Preville, on the other hand, still has some X-factor. His detractors claim that he is inexperienced and has not done anything for us. But in today’s politics, that is Preville’s greatest strength. Because we have so little experience of him, he has not done anything TO us. Yet. That alone could make him the best Lab-Flam politician out there today, if he plays his part right.

Compare Allen and Preville. The first major difference is that Preville unlike Allen, was not one of Flambeauz Forty Feeves, the most malfeasant and criminal government in the history of the Eastern Caribbean, barring a despot or two from the 20th century. Chastanet was part of the government. Preville is also more of an economist than Chastanet can ever be. And his monthly phone bill has never surpassed anyone’s annual income. Preville communicates better and identifies with a much broader demographic spectrum than Allen knows exists.

If Preville wins a marginal victory, he automatically refreshes and resets the UWP in a way that no one ever has. Preville’s UWP will have a realistic shot at being the new Flambeau that everyone has promised since John Compton first left us in 1997. Preville could turn out to be just another Flambeau spurio. Just another Rufus Frederick Joseph. But right now, he’s his party last best shot of reviving their dead horse and riding it to victory.

You see, if Preville wins marginally, he doesn’t carry Flambeau’s baggage the way Chastanet does. He can just troll Kenny Anthony on the economy, 24-7, until the election. Game over. Kenny goes home to Trinidad and the St Lucia Labour Party gets a long overdue blood transfusion.
 

Chastanet does not have that option. Before we can even listen to a word he says, he must address his own baggage, dirty laundry and skeletons in the closet. Preville just has it so much easier than Chastanet when it comes to taking on Kenny.

The fear of further dividing their party is keeping many traditional Lucian conservatives trapped in their shells with their heads down. They don’t like change. They don’t like challenges. But change and challenge are the only strengths that Flambeau has left. As Kenny Anthony gets the hubris to run ‘one more election’, Flambeau has be forced into the best possible position – where change is the only option.

Preville may not be proven, but Allen is. He is a failure as a tourism minister. He is clueless as a political leader. The party should be grateful that he saved them from King and Frederick. But Flambeau must never miss an opportunity to distance itself from any and everyone who had anything to do with the government of Flambeauz Forty Feeves.

That is the first, most necessary step in gaining the confidence of the increasing number of voters who have no loyalty to party and no problem kixxing off as a political party chokes to death on its own vomit.
Dude, it's a metaphor.
You're the vomit.
 

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