The FLOGG BLOG: December 2013

LUCIAN PM WHO ONCE FELT LIKE GOD NOW FEELS CRUCIFIED

It ain't easy being a head of state in the teenage years of the 21st century. Nothing is right on the island and the world, which usually can spare some foreign exchange, seems to have to gone totally wrong. Not to mention broke.

Kenny Anthony could have swallowed his pride (and all the mean things he said about Tom Chou) and tried to cut some kind of deal with Taiwan where they invest in St Lucian agricultural restoration and community development, freeing up some government resources for capital development.

But, after the Rochamel Affair, everyone knows that if there is one thing that is worth more than the well-being of the nation, it is the leader's vanity, I mean, face, I mean, pride....you know what I mean.

At the recent opening of the Gros Islet Municipal Center - which remains closed to this day, by the way - The FLOGG used new special hi-tech cameras to look into the heart and mind of the messiah....I mean, the prime minister. Here is a small sample of what we found. First...

DA SPEECH

Kenny Anthony has been making the same promises for so long that he can make effective speeches in his sleep. As a matter of fact, these days, he can't even hear the words he's speaking and how far removed they are from reality. But, no problem. St Lucians love a leader who says all the right things without actually giving a shit. Why do you think Julian Hunte could never be prime minister? That stupid nigger couldn't stop caring.

The brutal, honest truth is that even those who support Kenny Anthony find themselves not listening to him very much anymore. In fact, not listening to Kenny has become critical to Labour supporters. People who have listened to Kenny too carefully have found that they don't support Labour so strongly anymore..

Not that this helps Flambeau in any way. Labour is a party of conviction, unlike Flambeau, which is a party of convenience. True die hard Labour supporters know that leaders come and leaders go. So they hear the things they want to hear and let the jackasses in power do what they want for a while. But leaders always lose in the end. By the way, don't tell Kenny that. He's still hurt from what y'all did to him in 2006.

He thought he could beat Sir John. And now that Sir John is gone, he can never have a rematch, never regain his honor. It's like thinking you had a good sized penis and suddenly discovering that yours is actually less than average and your wife is still in love with Long Dong Compton.

And then, when Long Dong dies of AIDS or whatever, she comes running back to you telling you lies about how good it feels. You now she doesn't really love you, it's just that she doesn't have a choice. Her other man was a Colombian coffee dealer and now scene hot, the FBI, CIA and NSA are all over his ass and more importantly, all the money in his Rat Island accounts have been frozen.

Oh, I'm sorry, did we miss the speech? Did we not listen to anything he just said. Doesn't matter. If we did listen, we wouldn't remember a damned thing anyway. As stated above, not even the PM believes his speeches anymore. You have to feel sorry for the guy. He had such promise, such intellect, such a bright future ahead of him. And he knows it.

And now, a look INSIDE THE MIND OF KENNY ANTHONY

(Score one for the Doc. At least he's honest with himself. Unlike the last set of fellas, who really believed they were heroes and saviors as they gently, lovingly raped the nation.)

(Don't mean to make things worse, Kenny old boy, but you could have been a professor at Oxford or Cambridge by now if you didn't take this stupid, egotistical detour into small island yard fowl politics.)

(Check Emma keeping her head down, trying not to think of all the things she would do differently if she was PM. Poor jab. Of all the people with serious political ambitions right now, she would probably make the most responsible PM. Unfortunately, she won Gros Islet by, like, one vote and Spider Montoute seems to think he knows exactly which one.)

(Aa, Bon Dieu, he's tripping, for true. You know, this is why the White House has a therapist and the Pope has a confessor.)

(We know it looks bad, but its perfectly normal when school kids are forced to sing at a national event for the prime minister to sing along with them, even though he doesn't know the words.)

(Children are one of the PM's few joys nowadays. They're fun, they're more obedient than adults and they don't ask questions that no one knows the answers to. Too bad they don't vote.)