KENNY BUSTS COMPY

 

 

The following is the transcript of the Labour Prime Minister’s magnanimous address at the unveiling of a statue of Flambeau’s founder Sir John Compton, given on the eve of Independence Day, 2014.

 

“This monument is a slap in the face of the last Flambeau government who didn’t have the guts or the integrity to put it up when they had the chance.

“This monument is revenge against Flambeaus for naming the stadium after George Odlum, appropriating the name of the greatest leftist mind-bender in the island’s history to their infernal right-wing, fake-conservative cause.

“This monument is a constant reminder that John Compton’s wife and children want nothing to do with the current version of Flambeau and thought that if the current members of the opposition party had raised the statue of their founder during their administration, it would have done nothing but damage Compy’s legacy.

“This monument is nothing but a play on the political chess board to the Labour Government. A distraction, a smokescreen, an excellent opportunity for one-up-man-ship.

“This monument was a total waste of money. It’s the kind of thing that John Compton would never take money out of our pockets to pay for. The brother was not interested in statues. He was interested in highways and dams and tunnels. But the last Flambeau government already wasted the money, so the current Labour government figured, ‘Hey, why not collect the political capital on this before Lucians lose their bloody minds and make Allen Chastanet prime minister?’

“This monument is not pretty. It’s a statue of Compy after all the prettiness had evaporated from him and all that was left was a leathery old bastard. This monument should have portrayed Compy as a young political pirate lying down in the way of a bulldozer during a plantation protest. He was much more handsome back then. But the high class bastards in Flambeau’s smoky back rooms and towers don’t want to remember the part of history where he was a bad ass. They just want to remember the parts where he was the best friend of the ‘opportunity class.’

“This monument does nothing to illuminate St Lucian history or enlighten St Lucian politics. In fact, it is just another political football. But to hell with it. Flambeau did it to themselves. So they can suck it.”

Wait. That’s not what he said?

Well, that’s what he should have said.