KENNY & THE KIDS - KANDY, KAMPAIGNS & THE KRUSADE TO KRUSH ALLEN CHASTANET

As a new house in Trinidad gets its finishing touches in place, many in St Lucia are lead  to believe that St Lucian Prime Minister Kenny Anthony is preparing to bow out of politics and resume his place as the shining academic light that he was before local politics left him bruised and battle scarred.

However, those who are looking forward to Kenny Anthony's demise,  voluntary or otherwise may find themselves disappointed once again. After all, does history not show  that Kenny  Anthony is not the kind of person to gracefully bow out, if there are no forces opposing his continued Comptonery?

In fact, the FLOGG has noticed a trend over the last few months that seems to indicate that Kenny Anthony intends to be in power long after most people his  age can no longer vote, if you know what I mean....

Using the latest in information and surveillance technology, The FLOGG has exposed a secret plot by the prime minister to start campaigning among pre-schoolers now, way in advance of the 2032 election. Sources close to the prime minister insist that this is not merely a power play but an integral part of a  national security strategy meant to goad and jeer at Allen Chastanet until he loses his mind, succumbs to alcoholism or dies from the admission of his complete loserdom.

Sources say that the campaign is not personal against Mr Chastanet, merely a recognition that an Allen Chastanet prime ministership could turn out way worse than any hypothetical obeah that Richard Frederick could do on Stephenson King's butt.

The FLOGG now presents a small portion of the evidence of what some are calling The Kandy Kampaign.

 

 

 

 

 

THE FOLLOWING IN UNPAID POLITICAL PAWOL  JETTAY

 

 

 

 

THE FLOGG'S PERSON OF THE YEAR SPECIAL

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE EXCELLENT

A year that sucked. If you did well in 2013, make no mistake, you are one of the bad guys. And not doing well does not mean you’re one of the good guys either. This year sucked so much that the search for good guys for this list actually leads us to some bad guys. Sigh. Whatever. Some of the people on this list are actually quite good. That will have to do.

MARY FRANCIS: She just keeps dinging it. And just when you think you have had just about enough of Mary Francis and her human rights song and dance routine, Shaka Dan dies in police custody of asphyxiation and the police commissioner is telling the media not to speculate that he died at the hands of police even though he was in their
custody and no one else was in the cell with him. She didn’t side with that little boy who would cut or cover his head to go to St Mary’s College, but nobody’s perfect. And more importantly, no one stands up for human rights in St Lucia like Mary Francis.
 

KENRICK ALBERT & BIBIANA WILLIAMS: When the news broke that SMC Principal Rowan Seon was preventing a form one boy from attending class because he wouldn’t cover his offensive little nigga locks, the nation split into very divisive camps. Some (like the aforementioned Miss Mary Francis) thought that the boy should simply obey the school rules. Others thought that the school rules were blatantly offensive and unconstitutional, pointing out that Seon wrote the  stupid rule himself when he was made Principal and that traditionally the rule required ‘proper grooming.’ In the face of an unbelievable wave of unreasoned conservative criticism of the raising of her son, Williams stood for her principle for weeks, before electing to cover the boy’s head while pursuing a legal case. While many don’t agree with her opinion, her stand was a small victory for women, for individualism, for parents and of course, for little black boys, who are tired of being on the butt end of history in spite of being the brightest ones of the block. For those  who think that Bibi & Son don’t deserve to be on the list,  we say, “Nyah!” This kid was put in the unenviable position of carrying the full  weight of St Lucia’s social retardness on his little shoulders. (Yes, retardness, because retardation is smarter than that.) He, unlike certain enemies of Chaos, acted with grace right through the entirely unnecessary ordeal. The enemies of Chaos now find themselves in the unenviable position of becoming mere footnotes in the history of this boy. Unfortunate, because Mr Seon is otherwise a pretty good principal.

THE FOUR HEADED MONSTER: Kenny/Allen/Steve/Richard

There are many historical reasons for the shit we're in today. But from the end of the Compton era onwards (i.e. from 1997) four men have had it in their power to change things more than anyone.  Kenny Anthony was the messiah of Labour in 1997 and St Lucians gave him godlike powers  (16-1 in parliament). Yet, St Lucia today, as a socio-economic organism is not much better off than it was when the messiah first came.  Since then, Steve had it in his power to use millions and millions in Taiwanese funds to restore a new food based agriculture and modernize primary and secondary education and let the farmers and smart alecs take it from there. Instead he married himself to Richard Frederick’s fortunes and we all know where Frederick’s fortunes will end, don’t we? The King-Frederick administration sucked the entire party under in the 2011 general election and would continue to do so if not for the conspiratorial candidacy of Allen Chastanet who beat King for the UWP leadership before even announcing his candidacy. Unfortunately, Chastanet, business genius that he claims to be, had the power to turn St Lucia’s fortunes around as tourism minister with the biggest marketing budgets ever and a monthly phone bill that defied the limits of all known math and physics. But he didn’t. And we were stuck with the phone bill. While Allen was rescuing UWP from King and Frederick, however, Kenny was busy rescuing Frederick from the USA, the NSA, the MIA and every other international investigative unit you never heard of. Between the four of them, they have affected St Lucia more  than just about anyone.  But not for the better.  Unless, we give them that award jointly, I think we are morally obliged to try to find someone better.

 

KENNY ANTHONY: It’s not easy to be the most brilliant person in the Eastern Caribbean ever to suck at being Prime Minister. At least less brilliant men have an excuse. But when you’re Kenny Anthony and the global economy hits you with a depression that passes itself off as a great recession, you can’t help but think that people are looking at you thinking, “Okay, genius, what are we going to do? You are a genius, right?”

No, surrioulsy, I'm a genius, I'm a messiah...I'm the Goddam Batman!!!

ALLEN CHASTANET: The world was dark and dreary in the long years of Kenny Anthony’s Better Days when the prophecy was finally fulfilled. Unto us a child was born. And his name was Allen. Akuna Matata. Don’t mind that he was in that disastrous government with King and Frederick and Bousquet and Joseph and that poisonous nest. Don’t mind that audit shows that he was one of the biggest disasters in the poisonous nest. Don’t mind that he claims a brilliant business record in startups and turn arounds when the record shows something much more like the opposite. Allen Chastanet is the messiah that saved Flambeau from the never-ending downward spiral that was the Frederick controlled King leadership. While Frederick and King seem to have maintained their constituency level support, the rest of the party had no problem coalescing around the legend of the new messiah. And now, with the current government’s failure to rain success down on the people, it seems like it’s only a matter of time before Chastanet’s Flambeau gets into office. Now, all they have to do is solve that pesky little problem of how Chastanet himself gets elected. Hmmmm…

Steve, his wife and a bunch of useless people...

 

STEVE KING: The most uneducated, accidental Prime Minister in the history of St Lucia had the chance to destroy the aristocracy of educated elites that Kenny Anthony was creating. Or at least put them in their place. Unfortunately, what he managed to do was listen to the most educated people in his own party who promptly misled him to his own demise. In 2013, King continues to live his life as a cautionary tale in which an average guy with impossible opportunities blows it all, over and over again, to everyone’s detriment.

Don Rico Fredorico - Duh Boss!

RICHARD FREDERICK: Richard…Richie…Rico…what can we say about Mr Frederick that has not already been said in a myriad of international intelligence reports on St Lucia, it’s government and the character of its leaders. When Richard Frederick came into politics, he promised something different than we ever got before. And that is exactly what he gave us. There has been nothing scarier in all of St Lucia’s independent history than Richard Frederick quoting scripture while in the very same moment God continues to make his face more and more asymmetrical for the benefit of the discerning viewer.

 

If Kenny won't give the Americans what they want, why should we?

VERNON FRANCOIS: Things were looking bad for the Commish. It was looking like he was duped into using Operation Restore Confidence as a cover for a series of assassinations of well known bad boys. The Labour Party had ratted the whole thing out to the US State Department who brought the hammer of sanctions down in a very embarrassing way. They also quietly closed the radar station effective turning St Lucia’s marine police into chasers of fishing boats and allowing a free for all in the cocaine trade that lasted until French authorities could take it no more and had to intervene. But while things were going to hell in a hand bag and cocaine was spraying from St Lucia to Laba like lajijit, Francois launched a public relations offensive that made it look like chasing fishing boats and busting ganja made St Lucia number one in drug interdiction in the region. The media sold it and the people, it seems, mostly bought it. Meanwhile, Kenny Anthony’s failure to satisfy the recommendations of a US State Department report on the extra-judicial killings keeps St Lucia’s cops on the black list. But with the French forced to take up the slack, Francois now has a stronger drug interdiction strategy than he did before.

Lucian inventor and master builder Martin Phulchere (right foreground)

MARTIN ‘BOB’ PHULCHERE: At the Taiwan-St Lucia Trade Exhibition, a St Lucian inventor by the name of…wait! Did I just say the words St Lucian and inventor in the same sentence? This guy invented process that makes concrete construction and masonry about 30% more cost effective. And he invented the machines to do it too. Basically, he eliminates the time and expense of molding from the process. It’s a development that could change construction all over the world. But while others would think of how to make their billions, Phulchere is thinking of how to export the process to impoverished places where it could improve low cost housing and provide a boost to economies and construction sectors. He has already trained several young men in the use of the low tech machines and they have started their on businesses. He hasn't even had 1% of his potential impact and already he is one of the most interesting people on the island. Not to mention the only St Lucian we know who might be worth a billion dollars.

WHO CAN WEAR MANDELA'S CLOAK

It is not easy being the coolest person in the world. Generally speaking, you will end up dying young. If you don’t kill yourself (Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain et al), they will kill you (Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King et al).

Same old Troublemaker...

 

Over the course of the last few millennia, it has been established in history, legend and myth that God, while exceedingly displeased with the human race, will tolerate all kinds of nonsense in order to let one good person live.

Over the course of the last few decades, a boy named Troublemaker was that person. Now that Nelson Mandela has left this life, somebody better step up and impress the Lord. Otherwise, it’s the end of the world, for sure, this time.

So who do you think is going to fill the void? I don’t know, but here comes the coolest Pope ever, I wonder what he’s up to…

Someone on facebook compared Mandela to Elijah and suggested that Obama could be his Elisha.

I scoffed.

But Obama really is one of the people who could inherit and expand on Obama’s legacy.

And of course, there’s that Burmese woman Aung Saan Suu Kyi who defied an entire military dictatorship for decades without once spilling blood.

But, I’m flirting with the issue.  Let’s make a list.

Only thing let for him to be is canonized...

OBAMA: He ain’t no Baby Jesus and he’s more politician than activist, but he’s young and there’s nothing like being a former President of the United States of America to help you get big things done in a relaxed and effective manner. While his recent lies about Obamacare have revealed a something of his character, he’s still the number one orator in the world, a rank he won on the day Mandela stopped talking. Bill Clinton wasn't exactly Mr "I chopped down the cherry tree" either when he was six years in office.

Obama trying to make out with Suu Kyi

It's like Martin Luther King was reborn as an Asian girl...

 

AUNG SANG SUU KYI: She was arrested for exercising her democratic rights in the fight against an oppressive government. After years of incarceration, they offered to release her if she would just stop making trouble. She politely declined and remained in prison, turning the tables on them without even escaping her physical shackles. Eventually, they were forced to release her and let her do as she pleased. She came out and warned her supporters against violence. She won the Nobel Peace Prize. Sound familiar? She’s definitely reading the same Gandhian playbook that MLK and our great troublemaker did.

Bono playing the activist with Suu Kyi

Bono playing the ass with himself

Bono playing the saint with the world

 

BONO: If Bob Marley was white, he would be Bono. And this is hard to admit but Bono has several advantages over Bob. The Wailers broke up, but U2 stuck together. Bob had a weakness for women where Bono just has a little weight issue and that’s mostly under control. And like Gandhi, Bob did not have internet access. Bono, however, owns entire portions of the internet and…okay, okay, I’m exaggerating….but only in-keeping with Bono’s own assertion of a rock star’s right to be ridiculous. Some black people are a little resentful of a white man putting himself out for Africa so much. As for me? I know Bono. He ain’t white. He’s Irish.
Oprah kissing up to Bono
     (Who else could she kiss up to? Obama? She promoted him.)

Do I really need to write a caption for this one?

 

OPRAH: The Virgin Mary of Billionaires. She has cultivated her image as the richest non-materialistic person in the world and taught other people with sick amounts of money that it’s cheaper to give the money away than to live a life hated by people who have been robbed of their fair shot in life (or blew their shot). She also turned the Black Mammy stereotype on its head. In the past, Black Mammies were owned by their white surrogate children. Oprah however, owns the minds of almost every responsible white woman in North America. That’s a lot, a lot of non-violent power.
Buffet, Winfrey and Gates: Leaving Carnegie, Rockefeller and Morgan in the shade since 2007.

 

 

 

WARREN BUFFET/BILL GATES: In the great rivalries of history, the winner is never who you'd expect. Michael Jackson vs Prince: Michael was tops for a long time but Prince won in the end. Bill Gates vs Steve Jobs? Apple is cooler than Microsoft, but when Bill Gates decided to give billions to save the world or whatever, he totally escaped Jobs’ gravity. As for Buffet, who can hate a man who makes other billionaires look bad. When he talks, you understand why he’s a billionaire. When he decided to give away 90-nuff percent of his billions, he changed the game. He made the redistribution of wealth cool again.

DESMOND TUTU: Obviously.

Finally, a Pope who understands the Gospel According to Jesus

Lord, protect that crazy Pope. I suspect they're going to do something with him.

POPE FRANCIS: Either he’s the coolest Pope ever or he’s the Anti-Christ. One way or the other he’s going to eclipse JP2. Now Rastas aren’t supposed to be caught complimenting Popes, so let’s just stop here. Suffice it to say I am trying not to like this guy. And I am losing.

Peacemaking was never so controversial...

 

ROUHANI (Iranian President): The man has potential. Because of where he’s coming from, he could change things more dramatically than anyone on this list. If he plays his cards right, he has a Nobel Peace Prize in his future. And then, there’s that little matter of turning Shi’a Islam from the reactionary monster it has become back into the happy, dancing group of Muslims who can kick your ass if you force them to. (History shows that Shi’a Islam is, in fact, more of a party than a prayer meeting or a suicide mission.)

Bringing sexy back since 1992...

BILL CLINTON: The world’s sexiest missionary for peace and prosperity. As the last world leader to strike the perfect balance between market freedom and social conscience, Clinton has turned post-politics into a career like no one before him. More than anyone else he is achieving the Mandelian goal of making ALL his enemies heel. Now you might think it ironic that a man who is such a big flirt would make a list like this. But ask female reporters around the world about Mandela…biggest flirt ever. A raging heterosexual.

How much more can a good man take?

CARTER: Courage under fire. Carter is one of the few people who unfailingly risks hiss entire reputation to do what must be done when no one else will do it. He was vilified in the wake of his disastrous presidency and remains a the butt of Republican jokes to this day. But while some of the jokes are funny, history has already absolved this one.

Punk Band Pussy Riot is the FLOGG BLOG of Russia

(Thank you, Kenny, for not being such a Putin.)

 

PUSSY RIOT: Yeah, really, Jason? Pussy Riot? No. But maybe. I mean, they’re just some punk band, right? But when Putin released Kourdoukovsky, the billionaire headed straight for Germany, applied for his Swiss visa and has kept his head down during interviews. The Pussy Riot girls, on the other hand, came out of prison with pumped fists and the promise that they were going to give Putin more hell than ever before. Rappers often say that “Bitches be crazy!” In this case, not only is it true, it is a very good thing.