Friday, 3 January 2014



A year that sucked. If you did well in 2013, make no mistake, you are one of the bad guys. And not doing well does not mean you’re one of the good guys either. This year sucked so much that the search for good guys for this list actually leads us to some bad guys. Sigh. Whatever. Some of the people on this list are actually quite good. That will have to do.

MARY FRANCIS: She just keeps dinging it. And just when you think you have had just about enough of Mary Francis and her human rights song and dance routine, Shaka Dan dies in police custody of asphyxiation and the police commissioner is telling the media not to speculate that he died at the hands of police even though he was in their
custody and no one else was in the cell with him. She didn’t side with that little boy who would cut or cover his head to go to St Mary’s College, but nobody’s perfect. And more importantly, no one stands up for human rights in St Lucia like Mary Francis.
KENRICK ALBERT & BIBIANA WILLIAMS: When the news broke that SMC Principal Rowan Seon was preventing a form one boy from attending class because he wouldn’t cover his offensive little nigga locks, the nation split into very divisive camps. Some (like the aforementioned Miss Mary Francis) thought that the boy should simply obey the school rules. Others thought that the school rules were blatantly offensive and unconstitutional, pointing out that Seon wrote the  stupid rule himself when he was made Principal and that traditionally the rule required ‘proper grooming.’ In the face of an unbelievable wave of unreasoned conservative criticism of the raising of her son, Williams stood for her principle for weeks, before electing to cover the boy’s head while pursuing a legal case. While many don’t agree with her opinion, her stand was a small victory for women, for individualism, for parents and of course, for little black boys, who are tired of being on the butt end of history in spite of being the brightest ones of the block. For those  who think that Bibi & Son don’t deserve to be on the list,  we say, “Nyah!” This kid was put in the unenviable position of carrying the full  weight of St Lucia’s social retardness on his little shoulders. (Yes, retardness, because retardation is smarter than that.) He, unlike certain enemies of Chaos, acted with grace right through the entirely unnecessary ordeal. The enemies of Chaos now find themselves in the unenviable position of becoming mere footnotes in the history of this boy. Unfortunate, because Mr Seon is otherwise a pretty good principal.

THE FOUR HEADED MONSTER: Kenny/Allen/Steve/Richard

There are many historical reasons for the shit we're in today. But from the end of the Compton era onwards (i.e. from 1997) four men have had it in their power to change things more than anyone.  Kenny Anthony was the messiah of Labour in 1997 and St Lucians gave him godlike powers  (16-1 in parliament). Yet, St Lucia today, as a socio-economic organism is not much better off than it was when the messiah first came.  Since then, Steve had it in his power to use millions and millions in Taiwanese funds to restore a new food based agriculture and modernize primary and secondary education and let the farmers and smart alecs take it from there. Instead he married himself to Richard Frederick’s fortunes and we all know where Frederick’s fortunes will end, don’t we? The King-Frederick administration sucked the entire party under in the 2011 general election and would continue to do so if not for the conspiratorial candidacy of Allen Chastanet who beat King for the UWP leadership before even announcing his candidacy. Unfortunately, Chastanet, business genius that he claims to be, had the power to turn St Lucia’s fortunes around as tourism minister with the biggest marketing budgets ever and a monthly phone bill that defied the limits of all known math and physics. But he didn’t. And we were stuck with the phone bill. While Allen was rescuing UWP from King and Frederick, however, Kenny was busy rescuing Frederick from the USA, the NSA, the MIA and every other international investigative unit you never heard of. Between the four of them, they have affected St Lucia more  than just about anyone.  But not for the better.  Unless, we give them that award jointly, I think we are morally obliged to try to find someone better.

KENNY ANTHONY: It’s not easy to be the most brilliant person in the Eastern Caribbean ever to suck at being Prime Minister. At least less brilliant men have an excuse. But when you’re Kenny Anthony and the global economy hits you with a depression that passes itself off as a great recession, you can’t help but think that people are looking at you thinking, “Okay, genius, what are we going to do? You are a genius, right?”
No, surrioulsy, I'm a genius, I'm a messiah...I'm the Goddam Batman!!!

ALLEN CHASTANET: The world was dark and dreary in the long years of Kenny Anthony’s Better Days when the prophecy was finally fulfilled. Unto us a child was born. And his name was Allen. Akuna Matata. Don’t mind that he was in that disastrous government with King and Frederick and Bousquet and Joseph and that poisonous nest. Don’t mind that audit shows that he was one of the biggest disasters in the poisonous nest. Don’t mind that he claims a brilliant business record in startups and turn arounds when the record shows something much more like the opposite. Allen Chastanet is the messiah that saved Flambeau from the never-ending downward spiral that was the Frederick controlled King leadership. While Frederick and King seem to have maintained their constituency level support, the rest of the party had no problem coalescing around the legend of the new messiah. And now, with the current government’s failure to rain success down on the people, it seems like it’s only a matter of time before Chastanet’s Flambeau gets into office. Now, all they have to do is solve that pesky little problem of how Chastanet himself gets elected. Hmmmm…

Steve, his wife and a bunch of useless people...


STEVE KING: The most uneducated, accidental Prime Minister in the history of St Lucia had the chance to destroy the aristocracy of educated elites that Kenny Anthony was creating. Or at least put them in their place. Unfortunately, what he managed to do was listen to the most educated people in his own party who promptly misled him to his own demise. In 2013, King continues to live his life as a cautionary tale in which an average guy with impossible opportunities blows it all, over and over again, to everyone’s detriment.

Don Rico Fredorico - Duh Boss!
RICHARD FREDERICK: Richard…Richie…Rico…what can we say about Mr Frederick that has not already been said in a myriad of international intelligence reports on St Lucia, it’s government and the character of its leaders. When Richard Frederick came into politics, he promised something different than we ever got before. And that is exactly what he gave us. There has been nothing scarier in all of St Lucia’s independent history than Richard Frederick quoting scripture while in the very same moment God continues to make his face more and more asymmetrical for the benefit of the discerning viewer.

If Kenny won't give the Americans what they want, why should we?

VERNON FRANCOIS: Things were looking bad for the Commish. It was looking like he was duped into using Operation Restore Confidence as a cover for a series of assassinations of well known bad boys. The Labour Party had ratted the whole thing out to the US State Department who brought the hammer of sanctions down in a very embarrassing way. They also quietly closed the radar station effective turning St Lucia’s marine police into chasers of fishing boats and allowing a free for all in the cocaine trade that lasted until French authorities could take it no more and had to intervene. But while things were going to hell in a hand bag and cocaine was spraying from St Lucia to Laba like lajijit, Francois launched a public relations offensive that made it look like chasing fishing boats and busting ganja made St Lucia number one in drug interdiction in the region. The media sold it and the people, it seems, mostly bought it. Meanwhile, Kenny Anthony’s failure to satisfy the recommendations of a US State Department report on the extra-judicial killings keeps St Lucia’s cops on the black list. But with the French forced to take up the slack, Francois now has a stronger drug interdiction strategy than he did before.
Lucian inventor and master builder Martin Phulchere (right foreground)

MARTIN ‘BOB’ PHULCHERE: At the Taiwan-St Lucia Trade Exhibition, a St Lucian inventor by the name of…wait! Did I just say the words St Lucian and inventor in the same sentence? This guy invented process that makes concrete construction and masonry about 30% more cost effective. And he invented the machines to do it too. Basically, he eliminates the time and expense of molding from the process. It’s a development that could change construction all over the world. But while others would think of how to make their billions, Phulchere is thinking of how to export the process to impoverished places where it could improve low cost housing and provide a boost to economies and construction sectors. He has already trained several young men in the use of the low tech machines and they have started their on businesses. He hasn't even had 1% of his potential impact and already he is one of the most interesting people on the island. Not to mention the only St Lucian we know who might be worth a billion dollars.


  1. Martin Phulchere is interesting. Haven't heard the name before.....

  2. All very good candidates and worthy of being personality of the year...
    My preference would have to be Phulchere.
    Like was said in Hunger Games, "the only thing truly powerful at directing people is Hope".
    I also feel that the Motha Flogga brave enough to keep true to standing for what's right, could have easily made the list.
    My opinion of course.