WHY CHRISTIANS SHOULD LET GAYS GET MARRIED

They know not what they do

Because they think it's easy. Love and romance and safe sex. Ha! If that was true, divorce rates wouldn’t be so high and lawyers wouldn’t be so rich. Gays don't understand what marriage is really about and that's why they're hell bent on doing it.

Marriage is a bitch. It’s one of the punishments we got after The Garden. We could have been having hot, sinless, wild orgies in Eden, but no, Adam and Eve had to screw it all up. So now we sin, we feel pain, we get sick, we marry and we die.

Christians have spent a lot of money and effort trying to prevent gays from getting married. But if they using their good sense, they would lay down the red carpet and let the queers come get the punishment they deserve.

For too long, gays have been exempt from suffering one of the great punishments of the fall. Throughout history, they have been allowed to move from one lover to another, never getting stuck with anyone, as long as they kept it on the downlow. As most secret lovers know, the down low actually makes the forbidden love more exciting. Once its not forbidden anymore, it’s like crack – you keep trying to get back that high and it keeps eluding you.

That's what you say now. Lesbians divorce faster than anyone.

American and European gays could have continued enjoying their exemption from marriage forever.

But in an effort to inherit things that their lovers did not make wills for, gays made a huge strategic blunder. 

They decided they wanted to get married. And the law was on their side. Nowhere does it say that marriage must be between a man and a woman. It only says between two people. That’s why Christians are spending money and effort trying to make new laws to specify Adam and Eve, no Steve, no Steve.

They didn’t have to defeat laws. All they had to do was prevent new ones from becoming legislation.

And so, they are winning the most pyrrhic victories ever. They are winning the right to get married. 

Essentially, they have won the right to be miserable with one person for the rest of their lives, unless they are willing to go through the costly ritual of a nasty divorce.

Yaaay. What a victory for civil rights. And an even bigger victory for believers. For what is better than to the abominable and the wicked stewing in their own hells while they are still here on earth.

Caribbean gays on the other hand, have not been so foolish as their American and European counterparts. Keeping their heads down, they have campaigned for tolerance and understanding, knowledge and then some more tolerance. Marriage?

According to Sharmark: “What the fock I getting married for?”

If Caribbean Christians had any sense of strategy, they would start a campaign to force gaya to get married. To women, to each other, to whoever. We should even give the, incentives, As long they had to pay the price, just like all the rest of us.

If you really want to do gays wickedness, you should do everything in your power to help them get married.

The time for coddling gays and giving them special status is over. It’s time for them to know the agony of holy matrimony. Party’s over. Welcome to the real world.

But seriously, how about this for niche tourism marketing? They spend moneeeyyyy!!