DIRTY MONEY!!! THE NEXT GENERATION OF LUCIAN MILLIONAIRES

Ever see a Rasta raising pigs? You soon might.

The EU gave $37 million for Banana Accompanying Measures (BAM) for the period 2013-18. 

Hmmm...Money does grow in trees...

The EU wants us to get the hell out of depending on agriculture so that they can get us out of their hair. We’ve been sucking their blood for too long. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to make money for them, not cost them money. The post-colonial plan so screwed up that white people are starting to enslave each other again. Rich white people everywhere are regretting they met black people at all.

Caribbean bananas are better than Latin American bananas, but they are less competitive.

And also, the island has to depend on a lot more than bananas. I mean whose dumb idea was it to depend on bananas and tourism in the first. Talk about a plan doomed to fail. The most amazing thing about it was that succeeded for so long in the first place.

So what's the plan? Food. Grow food, make money. Export food, make more money. Process food, and now you're shitting millions and looking for safe places to stash money. (Ask Ramjattan. And he doesn't even grow food.)

Agri-youth, government realizes that people must eat so they’ve set aside nearly $2m. Go get it.

And not just agriculture. Praslin’s fish landing site has a $600,000 allocation and there’s half a million for Savannes Bay. Thank you, Taiwan. Japan was supposed to be all over this, but clearly they had more important things to do.

Just add math, science, reading and a laptop

Coconut replanting gets $100,000 because coconut oil demand is higher than ever. People actually want to consume coconut oil after years of thinking it was too high in saturated fats.

There is to be a government task force for hobby farmers.

And so, in the interest of national development and personal profit, I will be planting tomatoes first, growing chickens second and then growing everything else I think will make a profit.

And while I don't think I'll be the pig-raising Rasta, I'm not ruling it out. These baldheads eat an awful lot of unclean and my kids are getting more expensive by the minute.