SLAP, POW, CHOKE, LUCIAN COPS BRING BACK TRADITIONAL STRESS RELIEF

After a decade long effort to improve community relations and evolve from Neanderthals into some kind of homo erectus, St Lucian police are turning back to well loved traditional policing methods like slapping,  choking, beating, cursing and spitting on citizens.



It's just a Carnival, officer. Why you have to come ready for terrorists?

While international human rights agencies were in St Lucia in early to mid-September, trying to teach local cops the basics of human rights (like for example how to spell it), Lucian cops were out in full force doing the exact opposite of learning to spell human rights.

Who needs human rights anyway, right?

“Human rights were not originally meant for everyone,” said one highly evolved officer. “They were meant for civilized people who can appreciate them. The world just went overboard with human rights after some guy named Hitler killed a few  Jews, in order to scare crazy tyrants. But St Lucians are not civilized and so human rights don’t realistically apply to them. It’s just not appropriate for cops to treat Lucians as anything more than subhuman slaves. Like horses, except less valuable.”

The recent stresses on the police force, caused mainly by their own corruption, bloodlust and lawlessness have not given cops any reason to reconsider their current SLAPCHOKEKILL policy toward St Lucians, especially poor people,  ghetto youths, the mentally ill, young men, black people, homeless people, dreads and of course, anyone who looks like they can take a punch without calling a goddam lawyer.

Lucians, meanwhile, have been very co-operative, assisting police in their stress-relief efforts. For the most part, they have turned the other cheek and not complained until  cops were far out of ear shot. Also, cops have escaped all criminal liability for their actions.

“It’s very good to see Lucians co-operating so closely with the cops,” said a gazetted officer. “You see that’s the way it should be. Under the last commissioner there was this stupid idea that people could love  and trust the cops. But as we can clearly see the relationship between police and the public should be one of fear, hate and mutual mistrust. Without these negative emotions to guide us, our entire society falls apart.”

Highly decorated, most intelligent officer in the RSPLF. Tipped to be future commissioner.