Labour Wins Next Election: HOW TAIWANESE YACHTS WILL RESCUE ST LUCIA’S ECONOMY AND GOV’T

Also Called:

KENNY USES CUTHBERT DIDIER TO BEAT UWP & GLOBAL CRISIS

It’s all about the maritime potential of St Lucia and the yachting potential of Taiwan. Marry the two things and everybody wins in ways they never expected. As well as all the ways that experts will predict.

Not long ago, The FLOGG presented a satirical report in which a fictitious Prime Minister named, coincidentally, Kenny Anthony, did the right thing and dispatched his maritime consultant Cuthbert Didier to close a yachting registration deal with Taiwan that will flood tens of millions of dollars into St Lucia every year.

The point of the story was that Kenny Anthony was sitting on his ass doing nothing about a deal that could flood St Lucia with money and change Taiwan-St Lucia relations in ways that are profitable to both.

In complimenting him for closing the deal, we were actually pissing on him for not doing anything.

KENNY STRIKES BACK

Well, apparently, the good doctor was secretly hatching plots with Didier to close the deal  and embarrass the FLOGG. In order to pre-empt Kenny and Cuthbert’s secret plan to piss back, the FLOGG now is proud to expose their imminent success in closing the biggest deal that St Lucia has seen since…since…I don’t know….Rochamel?

Seriously, though, The FLOGG has uncovered Anthony's plans to send Didier to Taiwan some time later this year to close the multi-million dollar deal. (You bastard, you thought I wouldn’t find out. I will sit on your dock and drink all your John Buchanan for spite just to make the morons keep being afraid of you. All you have to do is be there taking the blame for what I already know.)

The amount of money involved is so much, so sustained over the long term that it could change the current political debate. It could rescue Labour from total destruction and make the path to power for the United Workers Party way more complicated than it already is.

WHEN I SAY $MILLIONS$ YOU SAY $BILLIONS$

Imagine if you will that Taiwan, one of the biggest boat builders in the world, registered 400 yachts here a year at $30,000 a pop. That’s like $12 million a year in registration fees alone. 

And that’s a most conservative estimate of both number of yachts and registration fees. That’s before a yacht even shows up and yachties start to spend money in ways that benefit the economy far more that cruise ship passengers and all-inclusive hotel guests. That’s before you count the Russians and other Eastern Europeans who buy from the Taiwanese. That’s before smart millionaires and billionaires from all over the world start thinking about the benefits of flying the Neg Maroon flag.

We’re talking about hundreds of millions in the mid-term, billions in the long term.

It would be as though Kenny Anthony and his new sidekick Cuthbert Didier reinvented a bigger, better banana industry. Or discovered gold or oil or something. Yes. That’s it. It’s very much as though the two of them have struck gold.

There you have it. That’s the new political reality.

THE BEST KICK IN THE BALLS EVER

It could be more timely for the Labour government.

While most St Lucians consider Allen Chastanet's UWP utterly ridiculous, they were getting mad enough with Labour to throw them out, regardless of the danger a Chastanet prime ministership presents to the economy.

Didier and Taiwan are going to rescue Kenny.

All the bastard has to do is play along with Taiwan and help them join the Boy Scouts or the International Cooking Federation or whatever the hell they want to join.

The UWP will fade deeper into obscurity, disempowered by lack of leadership, lack of funding, lack of friends who trust them with money. (Yes, I said it. Flambeau’s friends don’t trust them with money.)

Didier will allow the morons in politics who want the prime minister’s office to have it, because he would be the gate-keeper of the national cash cow. The political set, in turn, would stop sending police and cameramen to his house in a  televised ambush, as though he was Scarface, (when,  in fact, the minister who sent them was the true Scarface) two days after his gun license expired to charge him with having an unlicensed firearm.

I mean what would you choose, a successful political career or millions of dollars and peace of mind? It’s a no brainer. Didier’s a lost cause politically. He’s Kenny’s milkman now. The economic general who counts the most.

All the chaotic pieces of the St Lucian political disharmony will find their place, except for the Flambeaus, for whom a civil war is not just inevitable, but necessary. Whatever the outcome,  the King-Frederick faction will be irrelevant because of emerging health concerns. In spite of everyone's best efforts to take them out in a blaze of glory, the King-Frederick faction will die a quiet, peaceful death.

Didier, who will once again dodge his responsibility to take on some kind of political leadership will assuage his conscience by saying that he is worth much more to St Lucia where he is. It will be true.

But it will leave the question of whether or not St Lucia will reap the full benefits of the new maritime economic frontier. After all, if Kenny and the Labour Party reap an economic turnaround from the yachting deal, they will have learnt nothing and will continue in their ways.

And because the money will be flowing and circulating, very few people will have reason to kick against the pricks the way they are doing now.

The countdown is on. Here comes the economic miracle that Labour has been waiting for. Once it starts happening, Kenny’s going to call the election and all the talk we’re talking now won’t mean a thing. Why? Because when Kenny, Taiwan and Didier give us their economic Ventolin, believe me, we won’t be able to clearly remember the economic asthma attack we’re having now.

It will be almost like it never happened.