THE MOST BRUTAL, HONEST
AND TRUTHFUL INTERVIEW OF THE YEAR
CLAUDIUS FRANCIS VS
YASMIN WALCOTT
IN A BATTLE OF THE AGES
THAT WILL CLEAN UP NOT JUST THE MARTINIQUE MISSION BUT ALL OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
When the
news came out that Yasmin Walcott, head of the St Lucia’s Martinique Mission
and former beauty and It-Girl of the diplomatic set in Laba was going to be the
guest on this Friday’s STRAIGHT UP with Claudius Francis, there was mixed
reaction.
Most people
thought that in spite of all the controversy in the Martinique mission,
Claudius would sell out his reputation as a critical political commentator and
do a soft-soap party hack fluff job for Yasmin, who is currently losing the
public relations war in Martinique and in St Lucia simultaneously.
You see,
there is currently a petition going around the St Lucia-Martinique Association
circles, gathering signatures against her and citing the office staff and the
cultural attaché as the active, efficient forces in the mission at present.
HAITIANS TRAFFICKED
WITH LUCIAN VISAS TO LABA (AND OTHER STORIES FROM THE DARK SIDE OF FOREIGN
AFFAIRS)
Petitioners
are concerned about the steady influx of new Lucian criminals into French
prisons, in spite of the best efforts to empty the jails of them. They’re
concerned about that janitor, what’s her name, Lawrencia? They’re concerned
that her big, fat black Mammy look might have contributed to her firing and subsequent
law suit against the mission.
(The woman
was fired after Walcott gave her the day off, then, on short notice, informed
the driver that she had changed her mind and then flipped out when the woman
didn’t come to work, because she had already made other scheduling arrangements
with her valuable time.)
They are
concerned that nothing at the mission except the cultural exchanges seems to be
working to anyone’s legitimate advantage.
They don’t
understand how Haitians are using a Lucian connection in the mission and the
foreign ministry to use St Lucia as a gateway for human trafficking right under
Yasmin, Alva and Kenny’s noses and they do nothing about it.
Two shots of
wombluh is all it takes to get a Lucian-Martiniquans in a cabaret to spill true
stories about some Haitian or some Syrian family or something that was paying
EC$2500 to get a St Lucian visa that would make a back door entry into a
Martinique a piece of cake for them.
While most
of these stories have been swept under the rug, the recent capture of two
Haitians in Martinique with Lucian visas raised red flags. Neither had been in
St Lucia for 24 hours before using the back door to Laba. (To be fair, Haitians
do not make up 10% of the Martiniquan prison population, Lucians do. Haitians
work the fields, like Lucians should. Maybe we should get them to stay here.)
The petition
is actually the civil side of a sequence of small scandals, plus one big one,
that have been gathering snow even before Walcott’s appointment. The petition
recognizes that the problems predate Yasmin, by at least three years. But
petitioners are now convinced that she has brought a new negative human
relations poison to the situation.
It rather
seems that most ordinary, law-abiding Martiniquan-based Lucians are of the
opinion that she has actually become an enabler of everything that was a problem
before she came, instead of cleaning it up.
THE SENATE PRESIDENT
AND THE BEAUTY QUEEN
(also called DEM PEOPLE JES GEL-US OF US)
If Claudius
was the sellout partisan pretender that people thought he was, then he would do
his best to avoid anything sounding like content.
If Yasmin
was the morally bankrupt former beauty queen that her enemies are making her
out to be, she would mouth platitudes about ‘improving existing bi-lateral
co-operation’ to cover up her lack of initiative. And then, she’d brush aside
any real questions with, “I can’t answer that because it’s currently a matter
under investigation.”
Lucky for
us, St Lucia is not one of those corrupt Third World backwaters like Uganda or
Congo or the United States of America or Russia, where democracy is ambushed
everyday on the way to school by intellectual, professional, political and
corporate bullies. St Lucia is an enlightened, post-modern state where the
President of the Senate is an unbiased and objective free thinker who would
never compromise the smallest slice of his integrity to a partisan political
purpose, in spite of being paid party hack.
And the head
of the Martinique Mission?
Let’s just
say this former beauty of unique intelligence is a stately young woman of great
integrity and personal grace who would NEVER get a reputation among the high
ranking diplomats in Laba and Luci for liking ATMs.
(Not
Automatic Teller Machines. Ass to Mouth. Duh! Is money all you can think about?
You people are so filthy. Get your minds out of the gutter and taste the smegma
of enlightenment.)
THE SMEGMA OF
ENLIGHTENMENT
Yasmin
Walcott understands the difference between foreign affairs and having affairs
with foreigners. She knows that foreign relations don’t mix with having
extra-marital relations with foreign diplomats, politicians and business
people.
No matter
what anyone tells you, Yasmin Walcott has proven, time and again, including
this Friday on STRAIGHT UP, that she did not fuck her way to the top.
(Which in
this case, would involve fucking Alva Baptiste, who as we all know, is a
disciplined and morally advanced intellectual genius who would never fall into
the trap of having sexual relations with the people he works with.
So there.)
Detractors
who expected the beauty queen and the senator to do a fluff job while
corruption in the foreign ministry and the crisis of Lucian crime in Laba
continue unabated, must have been severely disappointed.
The actual
interview on STRAIGHT UP was a surgical exercise in which a critical thinker
and unbiased journalist was digging and prodding for the truth, while an
honest, erstwhile, hard-working and commitment servant of the people did her
best to accommodate his efforts, in the public interest of both sister islands.
Both of
them, even in that highly confrontational interview, were exemplars of the
smegmatically enlightened St Lucian of the 21st century.
Queef.
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