THE MOST BRUTAL, HONEST AND TRUTHFUL INTERVIEW OF THE YEAR
CLAUDIUS FRANCIS VS YASMIN WALCOTT
IN A BATTLE OF THE AGES THAT WILL CLEAN UP NOT JUST THE MARTINIQUE MISSION BUT ALL OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
When the news came out that Yasmin Walcott, head of the St Lucia’s Martinique Mission and former beauty and It-Girl of the diplomatic set in Laba was going to be the guest on this Friday’s STRAIGHT UP with Claudius Francis, there was mixed reaction.
Most people thought that in spite of all the controversy in the Martinique mission, Claudius would sell out his reputation as a critical political commentator and do a soft-soap party hack fluff job for Yasmin, who is currently losing the public relations war in Martinique and in St Lucia simultaneously.
You see, there is currently a petition going around the St Lucia-Martinique Association circles, gathering signatures against her and citing the office staff and the cultural attaché as the active, efficient forces in the mission at present.
HAITIANS TRAFFICKED WITH LUCIAN VISAS TO LABA (AND OTHER STORIES FROM THE DARK SIDE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS)
Petitioners are concerned about the steady influx of new Lucian criminals into French prisons, in spite of the best efforts to empty the jails of them. They’re concerned about that janitor, what’s her name, Lawrencia? They’re concerned that her big, fat black Mammy look might have contributed to her firing and subsequent law suit against the mission.
(The woman was fired after Walcott gave her the day off, then, on short notice, informed the driver that she had changed her mind and then flipped out when the woman didn’t come to work, because she had already made other scheduling arrangements with her valuable time.)
They are concerned that nothing at the mission except the cultural exchanges seems to be working to anyone’s legitimate advantage.
They don’t understand how Haitians are using a Lucian connection in the mission and the foreign ministry to use St Lucia as a gateway for human trafficking right under Yasmin, Alva and Kenny’s noses and they do nothing about it.
Two shots of wombluh is all it takes to get a Lucian-Martiniquans in a cabaret to spill true stories about some Haitian or some Syrian family or something that was paying EC$2500 to get a St Lucian visa that would make a back door entry into a Martinique a piece of cake for them.
While most of these stories have been swept under the rug, the recent capture of two Haitians in Martinique with Lucian visas raised red flags. Neither had been in St Lucia for 24 hours before using the back door to Laba. (To be fair, Haitians do not make up 10% of the Martiniquan prison population, Lucians do. Haitians work the fields, like Lucians should. Maybe we should get them to stay here.)
The petition is actually the civil side of a sequence of small scandals, plus one big one, that have been gathering snow even before Walcott’s appointment. The petition recognizes that the problems predate Yasmin, by at least three years. But petitioners are now convinced that she has brought a new negative human relations poison to the situation.
It rather seems that most ordinary, law-abiding Martiniquan-based Lucians are of the opinion that she has actually become an enabler of everything that was a problem before she came, instead of cleaning it up.
THE SENATE PRESIDENT AND THE BEAUTY QUEEN
(also called DEM PEOPLE JES GEL-US OF US)
If Claudius was the sellout partisan pretender that people thought he was, then he would do his best to avoid anything sounding like content.
If Yasmin was the morally bankrupt former beauty queen that her enemies are making her out to be, she would mouth platitudes about ‘improving existing bi-lateral co-operation’ to cover up her lack of initiative. And then, she’d brush aside any real questions with, “I can’t answer that because it’s currently a matter under investigation.”
Lucky for us, St Lucia is not one of those corrupt Third World backwaters like Uganda or Congo or the United States of America or Russia, where democracy is ambushed everyday on the way to school by intellectual, professional, political and corporate bullies. St Lucia is an enlightened, post-modern state where the President of the Senate is an unbiased and objective free thinker who would never compromise the smallest slice of his integrity to a partisan political purpose, in spite of being paid party hack.
And the head of the Martinique Mission?
Let’s just say this former beauty of unique intelligence is a stately young woman of great integrity and personal grace who would NEVER get a reputation among the high ranking diplomats in Laba and Luci for liking ATMs.
(Not Automatic Teller Machines. Ass to Mouth. Duh! Is money all you can think about? You people are so filthy. Get your minds out of the gutter and taste the smegma of enlightenment.)
THE SMEGMA OF ENLIGHTENMENT
Yasmin Walcott understands the difference between foreign affairs and having affairs with foreigners. She knows that foreign relations don’t mix with having extra-marital relations with foreign diplomats, politicians and business people.
No matter what anyone tells you, Yasmin Walcott has proven, time and again, including this Friday on STRAIGHT UP, that she did not fuck her way to the top.
(Which in this case, would involve fucking Alva Baptiste, who as we all know, is a disciplined and morally advanced intellectual genius who would never fall into the trap of having sexual relations with the people he works with.
Detractors who expected the beauty queen and the senator to do a fluff job while corruption in the foreign ministry and the crisis of Lucian crime in Laba continue unabated, must have been severely disappointed.
The actual interview on STRAIGHT UP was a surgical exercise in which a critical thinker and unbiased journalist was digging and prodding for the truth, while an honest, erstwhile, hard-working and commitment servant of the people did her best to accommodate his efforts, in the public interest of both sister islands.
Both of them, even in that highly confrontational interview, were exemplars of the smegmatically enlightened St Lucian of the 21st century.