THE NEXT LEADERS OF 21ST CENTURY ST LUCIA
A FANTASY PARLIAMENT
Even if Labour and Flambeau were not a bunch of conniving, power-hungry, blue-swilling profiteers, both parties have to admit that they have been left behind by history.
Labour moved to the center while practically all of the sensible Third World was moving to the Left, with a new democratic socialism.
Flambeau, meanwhile, was free market party back in the days of protectionism. They have not quite gotten over the fact that clique-ism, nepotism and other cousins of protectionism are no longer part of the game.
And while Labour learns Flambeau’s dirty right kakalakery, Flambeau has become quite adept in Labour’s sloppy left winger faggotry. Each continues the other’s worst policies while wiping out their best.
Having reached the conclusion that neither major party is the leadership factory that it used to be, the FLOGG, in the interest of the nation, now presents a preliminary list of the best people to lead St Lucia in the 21st century. A kind of fantasy Cabinet.
The FLOGG is currently accepting all criticism, condemnation and a limited number of fatwas for not having published this 20 years ago, when we first needed it.
This list is by no means exhaustive and additions to the list are welcome.
THE FANTASY CABINET OF 21ST CENTURY ST LUCIA
THEODORA MORILLE-HINDS, Molecular biologist: If you know her as Merle, then you already know that this Gros Islet girl is one of St Lucia’s best kept intellectual secrets. She has done with her life what St Lucia has a nation should have done with agriculture and fishing – she boosted the science end off the charts. The result is that when you Google her name you find a 21st century fishing village girl who is an internationally recognized molecular scientist who has been near or at the top of her field at Kraft Foods, Kelloggs and other giant brands. In becoming a scientist, she became a global corporate mother of food safety for the world’s biggest food processors. Frankly, I’m tired of Musa’s lack of results and Ezekiel Joseph’s blatant fraudulence as an agricultural activist. I want some of what Merle has to offer.
JON PETERS, Engineer: Some people are still stuck in a universe where engineer Jon Peters is some kinda partisan. But if you read Peters’ articles over the years, you don’t find a partisan. You find a thoughtful planner who is ever willing to strip the politics from planning, redrawing the design and economics in the favor of the tax payer.
PHILIP J PIERRE, Self-made Man: The longest serving member of Parliament is also the only current MP who would survive the purge if we were running a bloody revolution. In fact, Pierre wouldn’t just survive. He would be promoted. We already lost one good Labour prime minister (Mario Michel) to Kenny Anthony’s self-service. Given the state of Flambeau, Pierre is actually the nation’s single best shot at stability and sensibility that exists in Lucian politics today. Everything else is either more of the same or the fire outside the frying pan.
NIGEL ‘Rosethorn’ MITCHELL, All Round Genius: He is gentlest, cuddliest, thorniest, prickliest thing. He’s not a tenth man, disagreeing just to see it another way. He’s finding cracks in theories, preparing broad stroking planners for all the unforeseen eventualities and consequences. He’s smart as a whip and he loves Jesus. One of the few people who could actually be PS or minister of anything. Almost anything.
MARY FRANCIS, Human Rights Activist: To any intelligent 21st century center left government, Mary Francis would be a gift from God. While all the dinosaur brains in the Caribbean legal fraternity are rushing to the Caribbean Court of Justice to preserve their ancient feudal monopoly on violence, in particular, capital punishment, Mary Francis has become an international hero, standing for everything right despite what anyone says. If I were an ostensibly social democratic prime minister named, say, Kenny Anthony, I would be riding Mary’s train to increased grants from Europe and America, to a multi-million dollar stream of speaking engagements and a hot publishing contract. I'd be standing on her giant little shoulders. But PhD-award winning morons in government can’t see her as anything but a pest. Francis eh digging no horrors on them, tho. She knows that she will live forever while they are already dead in the water.
EMMA HIPPOLYTE, Vatican Banker: Did I say Pip was the only person who would survive the hypothetical Maoist Purge fantasy that lulls me to sleep at night? I take it back. Emma is definitely made of good stuff. She might be a little compromised by the current lot, but I still think she’s something good. I mean, there’s a Jesuit in the Vatican changing the world from moment to moment and we have his Vatican banker on our staff. If I was Kenny Anthony, I would have backed down from finance to make room for her. But instead he has her making float and bakes in the commerce ministry canteen. Genius, I tell you. Pure unadulterated genius.
POUG VALMONT, Neg Marron Businessman: Now I know what you’re thinking and so does Poug. He’s wondering why I’m making him a lightning rod. But neither you or Poug have taken account of the fact that he is one of the last functional symbols of the great 20th century Neg Marron businessman. The greatest of them was not a Valmont, but old man JQ. Unfortunately, JQ’s descendants don’t count as Neg Marron anymore, not by a long shot. And so Poug, with all his problems, is kinda the last remnant of the Great Money Neg of the 20th century. We’re going to need that to balance some shit out, you know what I’m saying, bro. His sistren Ingrid Skerrit gets to be on the list, too. She's smart. But from the street, the only word worth anything in the local black bourgeois is Poug.
LETON LAMONTAGNE, Heritage Tourism Honcho: In the beginning, God created St Lucia. And the Amerindians said, “It is good,” and they didn’t change a thing. But you know how that turned out. And Europeans said, let’s plant export crops on it. But they messed that up. And then the Neg said let’s plant export crops AND do tourism. And that seemed to work for a moment, except that to sell the high density tourism, you sometimes need to cut the toes off a Piton or kill an entire bay in Gros Islet. So God was sad. But then, one day, Leton Lamontage created Fond Dou, the most authentic heritage tourism experience you can have without being in danger of getting robbed by your own jamette and thrown from the top of Gros Piton in the dead of night. And God look at the old cocoa plantation, the restored architecture and agriculture, the local cuisine and home made chocolate. And the Lord said, “I don’t care if you’re a dirty Flambeau. This is exactly the right kind of tourism for islands like you. It is good.”
MIKEY PILGRIM, Financial Revolutionary: George Odlum’s revolutionary in charge of the dollars never really got his chance to shine in St Lucian politics. After the demise of the ‘revolution’ Pilgrim swung back and forth giving him a bit of a reputation as a partisan Tarzan. The truth is that Mike Pilgrim, like most good PLPs gave up on politics after the way the 1982 campaign went. Everything you saw of him in politics after that wasn’t Mikey Pilgrim. He was and probably still is the best qualified person to resolve any seeming contradictions between an economy that competes aggressively and one that cares consistently.
AUSBERT D’AUVERGNE, Scary Brilliant Guy: Okay you don’t want him near your money or near your power, I get it. Me neither. But the more I look at that National Quadrant Vision Plan or whatever, the more I see that as a nation, we can’t just throw that talent away. We can still profit from this fer de lance.
DAMIAN GREAVES, Friendly Brilliant Guy: There is something sly and calculating about Dr Greaves. And at the same time, there is something simple, straightforward and honest about him. There’s something honorable about a guy who will take one for the team and then watch the new team screw things up from afar and not turn on them, but try to help them. And finally, like Felix Finisterre, Damian Greaves is one of the few people who has already proven that he has what it takes to change a community with one good project. Speaking of which….
FELIX FINISTERRE, Angry Brilliant Guy: He’s still vex with me because I was part of that whole ‘cost overruns’ chorus. But in hindsight, we can see that Finisterre gave us something good for our money while Guy Joseph and the rest of the cost overrun chorus did not. He’s currently working on a project in Gros Islet that will make his success at the Soufriere Marine Management Area look like a primary school production by comparison. He always was the ultimate project manager. He’s so good at it that even his hubris cant undermine his ability. And that is truly phenomenal. It means that you could make him PM and when the power goes to his head, he’ll still do something right.
EVERISTUS JN MARIE, Conservative Brilliant Guy: He walks like an independent, talks like an independent, writes like an independent, but I always though he smelt a little center right to me. Still, it takes all kinds and as the center right goes, Everistus Jn Marie is one of the few conservative people to make any sense at all and perhaps the only one who makes a whole lot of sense.
DR MARTIN DIDIER, Doctor, Philosopher: Some men rouse others to revolution. Some men are one man revolutions and lead themselves to where all of us need to go. Dr Martin Didier does not seek followers but he doles out the kind of wisdom that ALL ST LUCIANS need to hear. Anybody could follow that guy.
DR MARIA GRANDISON-DIDIER, Doctor, Philosopher: Hmm. I don’t think she caught it from him. But whatever he has she has it, too. I hope it’s contagious.
JOAN DIDIER, HIV/Human Rights Activist: Yeah, it’s probably contagious.
CUTHBERT DIDIER, Dick: It’s definitely contagious. Let’s hope Soter doesn’t catch it, otherwise, this country is gonna get screwed the right way for the first time in its life. And like it.
LEN ISHMAEL, Executive, Organizer, Researcher: You don’t have to like a person to recognize their worth. And also, it’s good to have proof that hot legs and a well flaunted ass DO NOT, in any way, diminish a person’s intelligence or value.
MARTIN ‘BOB’ PHULCHERE, Inventor, Activist: In Gros Islet, by the bay, there is a man in a beautiful wooden house who is singlehandedly inventing St Lucian technology. His innovations are part of a project he calls the Master Builders Workshop which has already made a few well-established industry practices too costly and time-consuming. His focus on LOW TECH innovations that improve the quality of life of poor and rural people with the minimum amount of investment could change St Lucia, if someone pays attention. But between his international contacts and his community work for his beloved Gros Islet, Bob has little time or patience for the mainstream of St Lucian economic and political life. In fact, he’s so fed up, he was one of the founder members of the Lucian People’s Movement. Definitely the best minister of We Can Do This For Ourselves. Low tech scientific solution making is a key ingredient of development not just or St Lucia, but for all small and poor communities in countries big and small.
FORTUNA ANTHONY, Educator: Someone once said to me, “Fortuna built Kenny Anthony. If she was still in charge, we would have a different Kenny today.” So I replied, “If Fortuna built the best version of Kenny, what the hell do we need Kenny for? Let’s go get Fortuna.”
ANDERSON REYNOLDS, Entrepreneur, Promoter, Publisher: In spite of all the cock-blocking in the world, Vieux Fort’s Anderson Reynolds and his crew of artists, organizers and activists are determined that the South rise again…and again…and again.
DR STEPHEN KING: If there is one person outside politics who needs to be Prime Minister of St Lucia right now, it’s Dr Stephen King. He proved it over a decade ago in an article he wrote about the balance between the spiritual, the physical and the financial that defines good, overall health. The moment I saw that I knew he was top of the list of people who should lead. The time is coming soon for him. His name is calling…