ORIGINAL DRAFT OF ALLEN CHASTANET'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH LEAKED
|"You say you want a leader....let me guide you..."|
The FLOGG has secretly obtained advance copies of what seems to be the first draft UWP leader Allen's Chastanet's acceptance speech on being elected leader of the opposition United Workers Party (affectionately and insultively known as Flambeau...amongst other things.)
1.The speech starts by telegraphing the new leader's regret and remorse over all the bad stuff that happened in the last government without actually taking blame for any of it or mentioning anything specifically.
2.Then he bids a polite and gracious farewell to some of his former Cabinet colleagues, in particular, those who can count on him to try to get rid of them.
3. And finally, he gives the most passionate and specific outline of his national vision plan to date with a clarity of thought that should have Labour shaking in their boots. And he does all of this concisely, lyrically and while repeating a strange motif about funny colored precipitation.
If it sounds familiar, it's because it was written by the same team of genius consultants that TiChas hired to develop that brilliant tourism marketing slogan, ST LUCIA, LIVE THE LEGEND, which Chastanet also approved. That slogan, like the following text, was totally plagiarized. Got to give the man credit, he’s consistent.
AND NOW, THE FLOGG EXCLUSIVE FAKE NEWS EVENT: Allen Chastanet's original, but sabotaged big speech on becoming leader of Flambeau.
|"So what do you think of the draft? Good, huh?" "Yeah, it's...nooo..it's not."|
1."I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing. I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain.
2."I never wanted to be your weekend lover. I only wanted to be some kind of friend. Baby I could never steal you from another. It's such a shame our friendship had to end. Purple rain, purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain.
3."Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing. It's time we all reach out for something new, That means you too. You say you want a leader, But you can't seem to make up your mind. I think you better close it, And let me guide you to the purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain.
|C'mon white boy, play that flaming Flambeau|
(The script says that at this point in the speech, Chastanet was supposed to play an unforgettable guitar solo. After that, he's mostly just ad libbing. The most important parts of the speech are over. Reliable sources have informed The FLOGG that Chastanet was already at the Convention when the team reviewed the original draft of the speech and quietly trashed it, replacing it with the speech he actually gave. Chas himself didn't notice. It was all the same to him. He was sorely disappointed at not being able to play the guitar solo. However, he has already started practicing Stairway to Heaven for the next Flambeau Convention where he is expected to be elected unopposed.)
If you know what I'm singing about up here.
|I'm a Prince, too. Except my daddy don't own everythang. Lick!|
C'mon raise your hand.
Purple rain, purple rain.