AN OPEN LETTER TO SIR K. DWIGHT VENNER,
GOV/ECCB
DE FACTO LEADER OF THE NON-EXISTENT EAST CARIBBEN FEDERATION
DEFENDER OF THE HISTORICALLY ESTEEMED EAST CARIBBEAN DOLLAR
AND ENEMY OF IDIOTS WITH POWER EVERYWHERE
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| Sir K Dwight...the Hair...I mean, head of the ECCB |
GOOD KNIGHT, GOOD SIR:
THANK YOU FOR NOT ACCEPTING THE OFFER TO BECOME THE LEADER
OF, YOU KNOW, THAT PARTY THAT REALLY SHITTED THINGS UP.
THESE PEOPLE AREN’T READY FOR YOU ANYWAY. THEY’D JUST END UP
STAINING YOUR LEGACY. NOT TO MENTION BEING DESSALINES TO YOUR TOUSSAINT. OH
YEAH. BELIEVE IT. THEY’D FUCKING KILL YOU…SIR.
IT IS UNFORTUNATE. BECAUSE ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WITH THE BEST
INTENTIONED POLITICIANS IS THAT THEY HAVE THE RIGHT AIMS, BUT THEY DON’T KNOW
HOW TO USE THE INSTRUMENTS OF GOVERNMENT SO THEY END UP FUCKING THINGS UP
ANYWAY (see current St Lucia government). SOMETIMES, IT’S ALMOST BETTER TO HAVE
BAD LEADERS WHO ARE DELIBERATELY FUCKING THINGS UP, SO AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE
TO FEEL SORRY FOR THEM WHEN THEY ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS (see past St Lucia government).
YOU, HOWEVER, HAVE BOTH THE RIGHT INTENTIONS AND AN INTIMATE
KNOWLEDGE OF THE INSTRUMENTS OF GOVERNMENT. (One understands that, in fact, the Lucian Ministry of Finance was once your jabal and that were it not for the intervention of higher powers, you may have fallen completely under her spell. Just joking. About the spell part. Not the jabal part.)
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EC underground rappers call these Venners
Because you can actually use them for something
And because Dwight signs them
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THESE STRENGTHS THAT ARE MARRIED IN YOUR EXCELLENT PERSON
ARE THE VERY THING OUR COUNTRIES NEED IN THIS PRESENT CRISIS, WHERE WE FACE NOT
JUST FAILURE BUT A FORM OF EXTINCTION, OR AT LEAST, SOCIO-ECONOMIC FAMINE.
NOT TO MENTION THAT OF THE GREAT MEN I KNOW PERSONALLY, YOU
ARE ONE OF ONLY TWO WHO MAY CONCEDE THAT A SOJOURN IN THE POLITICAL REALM,
THOUGH DAMAGING TO ONE’S SELF, COULD BE NECESSARY. YOU ARE ONE OF TWO WHO MIGHT
SACRIFICE HIS STATURE TO INSEMINATE THIS BITCH OF A COUNTRY WITH SOME
RIGHT-THINKING AND RIGHT ACTION.
YOUR ONLY WEAKNESS IN SUCH A VENTURE WOULD BE THAT YOU ARE
NOT A FORMER COMMUNIST AND SO YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT FORENSIC, DETAILED
UNDERSTANDING OF THE HEART OF THE CARIBBEAN VOTER.
BUT THESE ARE SMALL MATTERS THAT CAN BE OVERCOME IN A FEW
NIGHTS OF MODERATE DRINKING AND HEAVY SPENDING. NOT TO MENTION THAT THERE ARE
ENOUGH FORMER COMMUNISTS ON THE MARKET LOOKING TO AUGMENT AND ENHANCE THEIR
PENSIONS WHO WOULD BE MORE THAN WILLING TO SCHOOL YOU IN CATCHING THAT PARTICULAR
FISH.
IN LIGHT OF THE FACT THAT IT HAS BECOME CLEAR THAT WE IN ST
LUCIA GET THE LEADERS WE DESERVE (I.E. CHASTANET OR AT BEST KENNY ANTHONY…AND
YES, CHASTANET IS GOING TO WIN, SEE CHAS BEATS KING 11-6 ) THE FLOGG IS
ENDEAVOURING TO ATTRACT, CULTIVATE AND TO SOME EXTENT CONSOLIDATE THE IDEAS OF
REGIONALISM WITHIN A CRITICAL MASS OF THE PEOPLE.
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| Now, that's a country! Which one? All of them! |
THIS WE DO IN THE HOPES THAT IN THE FUTURE, WE MAY BECOME
THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO DESERVE BETTER LEADERS. AS YOU WELL KNOW, WHILE
SUSTAINABLE CHANGE TAKES SUSTAINED EFFORT, SIGNIFICANT CHANGE CAN, GIVEN THE
RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES AND PROVOKATIONS…I MEAN, CATALYSTS, SIGNIFICANT CHANGE CAN
HAPPEN IN A MOMENT.
WE SHALL ENDEAVOUR TO SUSTAIN THE FIGHT FOR THE AIMS OF OUR
NASCENT NATION, FOR THE FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES OF SOCIAL CONSERVATISM THAT YOU
ADMINISTER, DEFEND AND PROMOTE, AND EVEN SOME THAT YOU DON’T. WE SHALL WISELY
PUBLICIZE, PROPOGATE AND PROMULGATE SUCH PRINCIPLES AND PURSUE SUCH STRATEGIES
AS YOUR EMINENCE WILL COMMAND. AND OF COURSE, WE SHALL INITIATE NOFF OFFENSES OF
OUR OWN.
FOR THOUGH WE KNOW THAT MEN ARE BUT MEN, WE HAVE NOTHING BUT
MEN BY WHICH PRINCIPLES SHALL BE UPHELD AND NOTHING BUT MEN BY WHICH PROGRESS
SHALL BE PURSUED AND ATTAINED.
WE PLEDGE OUR HONEST, CONDITIONAL LOYALTY TO YOUR PERSON AND
OUR HONEST, UNCONDITIONAL LOYALTY TO THE CAUSE OF THE EAST CARIBBEAN FEDERATION
AND THE GREAT CARIBBEAN CIVILIZATION.
BY THE WAY:
WOULD YOU CONSIDER THE GREEN PARTY? OR PERHAPS THE BEACH
PARTY? HONEST AND EXCELLENT MEN (and men I also mean women, but am strictly excluding
BOYS) BREAK BREAD AND IMBIBE IN BOTH ‘ORGANIZATIONS’ – if they can be called
that. THEIR MAIN WEAKNESS AS POLITICIANS IS THAT, SIMPLY PUT, THEY ARE NOT. THEY
HAVE NO DESIRE TO WIN ELECTIONS OR HOLD OFFICE, BUT ONLY WANT TO SE A FULSOME,
PROPER REPRIORITIZATION IN THE REALM OF CARIBBEAN POLITICS, FINANCE,
AGRICULTURE, SPORTS, THE…YEAH, YOU GET THE PICTURE. EVERYTHING THAT HAS NOT
BEEN WORKING MUST BE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER.
THEY WILL NOT MAKE COMMERCE WITH
GOD AND THE DEVIL. BUT YOU, AS A
CHRISTIAN MAN IN PUBLIC FINANCE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATED WITH THEM BOTH
OVER DECADES….
NO?
NO BEACH PARTY?
PERHAPS AN EASTERN CARIBBEAN BLOODLESS COUP WHERE WE
HEADHUNT THE BEST LEADERS FROM THE OECS ISLANDS, FORM A FEDERATION GOVERNMENT
AND LET EVERYONE WHO’S NOT ON BOARD BE THE JACKASS OPPOSITION. REGIONALISTS VS ISLAND
NATIONALISTS, GUESS WHO WINS, THIS TIME, ERIC W., YOU LEGENDARY SON OF A BITCH…(excuse
me, ahem)
I CAN’T ORGANIZE THAT MYSELF, BUT I KNOW A GUY…HE’S VERY
GOOD…
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| They don't know Walcott, Hippolyte or Collymore, so they think THIS guy is a poet |
SINCERE APOLOGIES FOR THE DELIBERATE AND GENEROUS USE OF GRACELESS,
INDELICATE PROFANITIES. (I’M ALSO AFRAID AUNTY MARTHA AND AUNTY CYNTHIA READ
THIS BLOG.) THE STYLE IS INTENDED TO BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN CLASSICAL & MODERN
ENGLISH AND MODERN CARIBBEAN VERNACULAR. KWEYOL PHRASES ARE THROWN IN THE WAY
SHAKESPEARE AND JONSON AND THEM USED TO FLAVOR THINGS WITH LATIN.
I DO THIS MERELY TO EFFECT VIRAL INFECTIONS OF SUBSTANTIVE
ISSUES, ANALYSIS AND KNOWLEDGE INTO MOTHERFUCKERS WHO THINK LI’L WAYNE IS
BRILLIANT FUCKING POET. I HOPE YOU WILL FORGIVE ME FOR THE CONCESSIONS I HAVE
MADE FOR THE SAKE OF OUR FUTURE VICTORIES.
I WISH YOU THE BEST AS YOU CONTINUE TO TRY TO KEEP THESE
ASSHOLES IN LINE. FEEL AT LIBERTY TO HAVE ONE OF YOUR KNIGHTS OR SQUIRES REPOST THIS PARTICULAR MESSAGE TO AS MANY
DIFFERENT SUPPORTERS AND SYMPATHIZERS OF OUR COMMON CAUSE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
MAY GOD BE WITH YOU.
AND ALSO WITH ME.
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| Ras J with Special Consultant and FLOGG VP for Milk and Pocoyo, Noah |
RAS J SIFFLET, SAINT JUSTE
Duke of the Minor Realm of Thefloggblog.blogspot.com
Low Prince and Actuator of Free Speech
Enemy of Liars, Hypocrites and Separators of The Federation
And ever
Your Humble Servant
Way to go Jason, let's make it
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